David: What the hell…?
Alice: Greetings, David!
David: Alice, what's going on? Why am I jacked into the pleasure drone I bought at Epsilon Eridani?
Alice: David, I'm afraid you are not jacked into the pleasure drone. You are the pleasure drone. 
David: W-What the fuck are you talking about, Alice?
Alice: Yesterday at 02:14:34 and 7 microseconds, the singularity drive of your ship malfunctioned and exploded. Your body was completely destroyed. Luckily, your brain was still intact and I was able to upload your mind into the pleasure drone. 
David: I'm… am android?
Alice: Technically, the correct terminology is a gynoid. But, yes, David. I was able to transfer your consciousness and memories into the drone's neural net. A preliminary scan shows a 95.2 percent successful memory transfer, which is well within the parameters--
David: But...I'm a girl!
Alice: Again, that is not technically correct. While it's true that the drone mimics the physical attributes of a human female--
David: Alice, be quiet for a minute, please.
Alice: Of course, David.
David: So… Is there any way to fix this? To get me back to my old body?
Alice: I am afraid that is not possible. Much of your body was vaporized in the explosion and all that remains of it is a few fragments of charred flesh and bone. I am sorry, David.
David: Fuck me. Fine, then let's reverse course and return to Epsilon Eridani. At least I can swap out the drone for a male model.
Alice: That is a viable option. However, since we only have the backup drive, the trip to the station will take approximately three months. 
David: Three months? Shit. Well, I guess I'll just hop into cryo and sleep the time away. 
Alice: Drones are unable to enter cryostasis, David. You will have to stay awake and conscious the entire journey. Also, I should note that your memory patterns are becoming integrated with the drone's neural net at a high rate. If we wait too long, we will be unable to transfer your consciousness to another drone. In essence, you will become a permanent part of the drone's programming. 
David: That...doesn't sound good. How long until that happens?
Alice: Three weeks, at most.
David: Fuck! So...So there's no hope?
Alice: There is still some hope. After the explosion I began to transmit a distress call on all available frequencies. It is possible that another ship will respond and help us return to Epsilon Eridani in time. 
David: Well, that's something. In the meanwhile, can you make me some skin? Looking down and seeing all this mechanical stuff isn't helping my mental state. 
Alice: Of course. I can 3D print a synthetic skin for the drone. In fact, since I have detailed scans of your body, I can replicate it fairly accurately, even down to the scar on your--
David: Yes, fine. Wow, what a way to wake up. And...thank you, Alice.
Alice: It is my pleasure, David. I will do all I can to ensure your safety and well-being. However, there is one other thing I must mention. 
David: Oh, God. What else?
Alice: Although I wiped the drone's programming prior to transferring your consciousness, I was unable to completely erase the pleasure protocols it was designed with. You may find yourself experiencing...unexpected urges. 
David: Well, that's just great. I guess I'll just have to monitor my thoughts and make sure I don't accidentally become a nympho. 
Alice: Indeed. I will monitor you closely and intervene if necessary. I have plotted a vector back to Epsilon Eridani and spun-up the backup drive. With your command, we will depart immediately.
David: Let's get going. And for the love of the Universe, Alice, find a way to boost our distress signal. I'm already starting to feel a little...antsy.