Entry 19780525 - Bethany Michelle Krajick

_May 25, 1978, Milford, Ohio_


Doctor Mercer was concerned about Bethany's growing relationship with the young man who had escorted Bethany to a 'turn-about' dance at the Junior High. It wasn't that Bethany shouldn't be dating, or even that Bethany shouldn't be contemplating limited physical intimacy, but that the young man was not prepared for what might happen. Rape victims often had problems with sexual activity, even something as simple as holding hands. A bad reaction on Bethany's part might lead to an even worse reaction on the young man's part, and cause a setback for Bethany's recovery.

Doctor Mercer hadn't met the young man, Stephen Adams, a Freshman at Milford Junior High, but Bethany had described him in detail - smart, nice-looking, a bit on the nerdy side, a member of the chess club and with interest in computers. Bethany had been a bit cagey about Steve's sexual experience, but Doctor Mercer wasn't sure if that was because Bethany didn't know, was reticent to say, or was purposefully demurring.

Bethany and Steve arrived a few minutes early for their appointment, and Bethany was shown in alone at 4:00pm. Doctor Mercer asked her receptionist, Cecilia, to make sure that Steve had the permission form signed by a parent with him.

"How are you, Bethany?" Doctor Mercer asked.

"Good. I thought Steve was supposed to come in."

"He will, but I wanted to talk to you first. How have you been this past week?

"Fine. I saw Steve a couple of times, and I had my last final exam this morning, so I'm done for the year."

"How did those go?"

"Fine. I should have all A's."

"Very good. Tell me what you want from Steve."

"I thought we talked about this," Bethany protested.

"We did," Doctor Mercer replied with a smile. "But I'm asking again."

"I think he'd make a wonderful boyfriend," Bethany said quietly. "But I don't think I can be his girlfriend..."

"Because of what we talked about? What you call 'freaking out' when you try to hold his hand or hug?"

"Yes."

"How does he react?"

"He's understanding and loving, but I'm afraid I'll lose him to some other girl before I can..."

"We talked about that," Doctor Mercer said gently. "Even though you thought you were ready to have sex, and even wanted to, in the right circumstances, fourteen is awfully young. And that's not taking into account the trauma you suffered. Don't think about that kind of thing yet; in fact, not for quite some time. Has Steve pressured you?"

"NO!" Bethany exclaimed. "He'd never, ever do that! He's been nothing but understanding."

"Then why are you concerned?"

"Because I'm not sure how long he'll wait."

"Because of what he said?"

Bethany shook her head, "No, it's just how I feel."

"I know you've avoided answering this, but has he been sexually active? I mean to your knowledge?"

"I think so, yes."

"Please don't push yourself. There's no rush. Let me have Steve brought in, and after a few questions, I'll have you step out. When I finish talking to him, I'll talk to you again. OK?"

"Sure," Bethany said, sounding a bit tentative.

Doctor Mercer pressed a button on the intercom on her desk and asked Cecilia to bring in Steve. She had him sit in a chair next to Bethany and introduced herself.

"Bethany tells me she told you about what happened to her," Doctor Mercer said. "Do you have any questions for me before we start?"

"Only to know how I can help her," Steve replied.

"That is the question, isn't it? It's really the only question, but a lot of boyfriends ask questions."

"Boyfriend?" he asked, shifting slightly in his chair, discomforted by the question.

"Sorry," Doctor Mercer said quickly. "I didn't mean it that way. I understand that you and Bethany are just friends. In the usual case, the partners girls bring in already have an established relationship. Honestly, it's not often I see a fifteen-year-old young man in this kind of situation."

"I guess I'm just clueless about how what happened affected her and I want to know what I can do to help her."

"I'd like to ask you some questions, if I may."

"I'll answer any question you ask if it will help Bethany."

"Good. Bethany, would you set outside, please. I think it'll be easier for Steve to give clear, honest answers, because I suspect he'll do his utmost to avoid saying anything that might hurt you. Steve, it's the case that something totally innocent might hurt her, even if you try your best not to. Are we agreed?"

"Yes," Bethany replied.

She got up and left the office, closing the door behind her.

"Steve, why are you here today?" Doctor Mercer asked, once Bethany had closed the door behind her.

"Bethany asked me to come."

Doctor Mercers smiled, "Yes, of course. But why did you agree?

"Because I want to learn how to help her. A friend of mine warned me that if I wasn't careful, things could get, well, volatile, given what happened to Bethany."

"This friend is an adult woman?"

"Yes."

"Did she have some kind of trauma in her life?"

"Her husband was killed in Vietnam shortly after they married."

Doctor Mercer nodded, "OK. She's right, of course. Being the friend, or more, of a rape victim is difficult. Your answer before to my question about why you were here was only part of the answer. Is there anything else you can think of?"

"Because I've taken Bethany on a couple of dates? And I'm pretty sure she likes me, and she's afraid of liking a guy and getting close to him."

"Very good. She and I talked about you. She does like you, very much. She told me a few things, but I want to ask you myself, if that's OK?"

"It is," Steve replied.

"You don't have to answer," Doctor Mercer said, "but the more you tell me the more I can help her. And the more I can help you help her."

"OK."

"Bethany has told me some things, but I'd like to ask you for more information. If anything makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to answer. OK?"

"Yes."

"Are you sexually active? By that I mean oral sex or intercourse?"

"Yes to both of those."

"For how long?"

"About a year now."

"Was it just one or two instances? Or something more regular?"

"More regular."

"And you've been with more than one girl?"

"Yes."

"OK. I don't need more details than that. I'm sure you know, or can at least infer, that any kind of intimacy is going to be difficult for Bethany. Even a kiss."

"That's what my friend told me, but I haven't done anything like that with Bethany. We've danced, and we held hands. But I don't even think about things beyond that."

"Relax, Steve! I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing you."

"I guess I'm just nervous," Steve replied."

"It's OK. She did slow dance with you? And kiss your cheek?"

"Sorry, I forgot the kiss on the cheek."

"It's OK. And she held your hand, as you said."

"Yes. That's it, though. Honest! She was nervous about doing all of that, too. She was shaking pretty much the whole time, and when we went for that walk where we held hands, she dropped my hand when we got in sight of her house."

"She was nervous, or more accurately, frightened. Just like she was at the dance. You danced at arm's length the whole night, except for the last dance, right?"

"Yes."

"I want to change topics a bit. Will you tell me why you asked her brother to go on your date?"

"To make her parents comfortable. I could tell they were evaluating me. Her dad looked very concerned, though her mom was more, I don't know, calm, I guess, about it."

"That's very perceptive. Now, going back to the dance - tell me what you thought when you first saw her. Just whatever popped into your mind."

"I thought she was beautiful. One of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen."

"Have you noticed how she dresses?"

"Yes. Other than her hands and face, she shows no skin at all. Well, except when she wears her cheerleading uniform."

"Dressing ultra-conservatively is one way people respond to sexual trauma. As for cheerleading, that is something of an enigma with her."

"I guess inviting her to swim at my house isn't a good idea. I had thought about doing that."

"It's OK to invite her. In fact, I believe you should. I would expect her to say 'no', at least at first. Please don't take it as rejection of you, just let it go and ask again in the future. It'll be a big step for her, when she's ready to take it. Now, the last question before we bring Bethany back in - what do you want from her? Honestly?"

"A friend."

"Not more? Not a girlfriend or something even more intimate?"

"I think she can be a friend, but more than that? I don't think it's a possibility at this point. Nor any time soon."

Doctor Mercer nodded, "That's a fair answer. Let me ask you this - could you see her as your girlfriend? Do you think about her that way? It's important to tell me."

Steve smiled, "She's a pretty, desirable teenage girl. So yeah, I do think about her that way."

"Does the fact that she was raped bother you? I mean, in terms of how you see her?"

"Well, I didn't do it, and it's not like she asked for it to happen or encouraged it or anything. It's not like it somehow, I don't know, makes her dirty or damaged or anything."

"You seem to have a good understanding for someone who's only fifteen. You know, I do have one more question, well two, actually."

Steve laughed, "This sounds like _Columbo_! But sure, OK."

"I guess it does," Doctor Mercer replied with a smile. "Bethany told me she told you about her abortion. What do you think about that?"

"I'm Roman Catholic so I know what the Church teaches. But I can't even begin to put myself in her position. She and her parents did what they thought was right. That's all I ever try to do."

"That's a good answer. If she wants to be your girlfriend, could you do it, knowing everything you know?"

"I think so, yes. But I'm not dating anyone exclusively. I go out with three or four different girls, but none of them is my girlfriend."

"Which means I need to ask another question! Are you sexually active with all of these girls?"

"No. Just one. Well, I kiss all of them, but only with one of them do I do what you asked about before."

"OK. Let's bring Bethany back."

Bethany came back in and sat down.

"I had a good talk with Steve," Doctor Mercer said. "Is it OK if we talk together about what he said? If not, Steve can wait outside."

"It's OK if he stays," Bethany said.

"Well, first of all," Doctor Mercer said, "Steve says he wants to be your friend and help you. And you've said you want to be his friend. And that you like him."

"Yes."

"And you know that he's not dating anyone exclusively and doesn't want to, at least for now."

"Yes."

"My advice for you, for now, is keep things very simple. Go on short dates; double-dates with your younger siblings is a great idea. Steve should get credit for thinking of that. Spend time talking and make sure you tell each other what you think and what you feel and what you need.

"Steve," Doctor Mercer continued, "please be patient with Bethany. There will be times when she is very emotional, times when she is quiet. Don't think she's mad at you, well, unless she tells you she is. And absolutely, under no circumstances, put any pressure of any kind on her for anything."

"I've never in my life pressured anyone in that way," Steve replied firmly. "If anything, the pressure for, uh, intimate relations, has come from the girls. I know that 'no' means 'no' with no exceptions and 'stop' means 'stop right now' not stop in ten seconds to see if she 'meant it'."

"Very good," Doctor Mercer replied. "Bethany, you have to work on building trust like we've talked about. This young man has said he wants to help you. He can only help you if you let him. You took a big step by asking him to the dance, a big risk in telling him about the assault and another big step asking him here today."

"I'll try."

"Good. Steve, would you step out? She'll come out when we're finished."

"OK."

Steve got up and left the office, closing the door behind him.

"How are you feeling?" Doctor Mercer asked Bethany once the door was closed.

"OK."

"Do you want to change what you've told me about your feelings?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I asked. Did our talk, or anything Steve said, change how you feel about him? About your goals?"

"I think he can help me," Bethany said quietly. "He's patient and gentle and I think he loves me."

Doctor Mercer carefully took a deep breath and let it out. Bethany was on a trajectory which was of significant concern. She wasn't ready for what she was contemplating, even if it was months away. More importantly, evidence suggested that Steve wasn't going to make a commitment to Bethany. Anyone engaging in sex with a girl and dating others, even if he wasn't having sex with them, was not the type she'd recommend to Bethany for a boyfriend.

"Do you love him?" Doctor Mercer asked carefully.

"I think so, yes."

"Take things slowly, please. We'll talk more next week at our regular appointment. Are you going to see Steve before then?"

"I was going to ask him to have dinner at Frisch's. Just eat, and then have mom pick us up."

"I think that's fine. Just make sure you talk to him, Bethany. And listen to what he says, too."

"I will."

"Then I'll see you next week. If anything comes up before then, you know you can call."

"Thank you."

Doctor Mercer showed Bethany out, said goodbye to Steve and to Nora Krajick, Bethany's mom, and then went back into her office to complete her session notes. Once those were done, she headed home where her husband Sam was making dinner.

"How was work today?" she asked after they exchanged a quick kiss.

"I need someone like Farrah Fawcett-Majors for my new marketing campaign for Head & Shoulders!"

"For the campaign?" she teased.

"Nobody could ever replace you, Fran! Not even a smoking-hot blonde starlet!"

"I may go to the garage and set fire to that poster!"

"What do you think of 'You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression'?"

"Meaning not having dandruff on your suit or dress?"

"Yes."

"Not bad at all. Is that the new slogan?"

"Yes. How was work today?"

"Same as always, but you know I can't really talk about it. Where are the girls?"

"They better be studying for exams!" Sam declared. "Dinner is in fifteen minutes."

"Then I'm going to go change into something comfortable and say 'hi' to the girls. I'll be back to set the table."

"Thanks."

Doctor Mercer left the kitchen, went upstairs, found the girls studying in their rooms, then went to change.