●嬉しそうに
おっ、いらっしゃい！
お前がウチに顔を出すなんて珍しいな。
いつもは私の方から暇な時にそっちに行ってるのに。
Oh, welcome!
Sure is rare for you to come see me.
It's usually me visiting you whenever I feel bored.


たまには珍しい物がないのか見に来たのか。
そうだな、最近また色々と外の世界から流れ着いた物があるんだよ。
Ah, you came by to see if anything unusual showed up?
Let's see... We've got some rare stuff that got stranded here from the outside world just recently.

そこに飾ってある人形なんかも、ちょっと前には外で大流行りだったらしい。
名前はなんて言ったかな、喋ったら反応を返してくれるらしいけど、動力源がなくってな。
河童にでも見てもらおうと思ってるんだが、私も中々忙しくってさ。
Like that doll I put up over there. That one was really popular last time I checked.
I forgot its name, but apparently it'll reply back when you speak to it.
Its energy source ran out, so I wanted the Kappa to look at it, except I've been busy myself, you see.


●楽しそうに
ああ、もちろんお宝探しでな。
お前も付き合ってくれるっていうなら、一緒に行ってもいいぜ。
Why! I went treasure hunting, of course!
If you wanna hang with me, I don't mind doing it together.

●不満そうに
えぇーっ、私と一緒に行ったら、いいように使われるだけだから嫌？
Huh? You don't wanna 'cause I'll just push you around if you're with me?

まあ、前にパチュリーんトコに行った時は、結果的にお前を囮（おとり）に使ったけどさ。
あれは逃げ足の遅いお前が悪いんだぜ。
Well, I did end up using you as a decoy to escape from Patchy's place, right?
That was your own fault for being so slow, though.

●楽しそうに
はははっ、結局捕まって、咲夜たちに説教されてたのか。
そいつぁ災難だったな。
Hahaha! So they caught you, and then Sakuya and the others lectured the hell out of you?
Sucks to be you.

●驚いて
えっ、今度私に出会ったら、言葉だけじゃ済まないって言ってた？
What? She says she'll throw more than just words at me the next time she sees me?


●焦って
し、しばらく紅魔館の方には近寄らないようにするか。
あいつも暇じゃないんだ、しばらくしたらほとぼりも冷めるだろ。
I-I guess I won't visit the Scarlet Devil Mansion for a while.
She's a busy person like myself, so surely she'll calm down over time.


そうそう、そんな話はどうでもいいんだが、河童と言えばにとりの奴から、面白い物をもらったんだよ。
Anyway, forget about that. Speaking of Kappa, I got some interesting goods from Nitori..


なんでも、河童たちが新しく開発した耳かき棒らしい。
人間にとっても気持ちいいか、モニターテストをしてくれだとさ。
Ta-da! This is a newly invented ear pick designed by Nitori's group.
She told me to test it out on humans to see if it feels good for them.


何本かもらったから、数本は店の商品に加えてるんだが、売れ行きはよくなくてな。
私も自分で使った事はないから、どういう商品かを聞かれても答えられないしな。
I put them up for sale because I received a bunch of them, but they didn't really sell.
And it's kinda awkward when they ask me what it's like because I've never used it myself.

まあ、初めから売れるとは思ってなかったんだが。
で、こうしてお前が来てくれた訳だし、そいつを試してみようと思ったんだけど、どうだ？
Well, I had no expectation for it as a product anyway.
That said, you're here now, so what do you say I test this baby out on you, hm?


怪しいものは使いたくないって、一応は河童の自信作だぜ。
ここ以外じゃどこにも売ってない物だし。
Don't worry, Nitori's quite proud of the ear pick for what's it worth, so it should be fine.
They also don't sell it anywhere else.

ほら、よく見てみろよ。
細い鉄の棒みたいなのを、整形して作ってるんだ。
Here, take a closer look.
This thin stick of steel is carefully crafted together.

これでより奇麗に気持ちよくできるって話なんだ。
実際に効果ありそうだろ？
In other words, I can clean your ears and make you feel even better.
Sounds convincing, doesn't it?


●気まずそうに
それじゃあなんで私が使ってないのか、って、えっと……。
そ、そうだ。この耳かき棒をもらう前に自分で耳掃除してたんだよ。
Huh? Why didn't I use it on myself then? U-Uh...
W-Well! Obviously because I cleaned my ears right before I got it.

あんまりやりすぎよくもないって言うし、試せなかったんだ。
別に自分で試すのが怖かった訳じゃないぜ。
It's not like my ears get any cleaner if I do it any more, so I haven't used it yet.
So yeah, it's not like I was scared to test it on myself or something.


●楽しそうに
まっ、そういう訳でお前が河童の耳かき棒のモニター、第一号だ。
しっかりと感想聞かせてくれよ。
一応、にとりに報告する義理はあるからな。
Anyway, thanks for being the Kappa's first test subject.
Be sure to let me know your thoughts on it.
I do have to report to Nitori on the test results.

なんだよ、膝枕ぐらいで恥ずかしがって。
昔から遊び回ってた仲だろ？
ほら、始めるぞ。
Oh c'mon, why blush from my lap pillow?
We've been tight like this since we were young, no?
Look, I'll start.


●不満そうに
んー、そもそも人の耳かきなんてした事ないから、この耳かき棒が使いやすいかどうかもよくわからないな。
Hmm... to be honest, I have no idea how easy this ear pick is to use compared to other ones because I've never cleaned someone else's ears before.

なんとなく、よく取れているような気はするが、なんとも言えないぜ。
お前はどうなんだ？気持ちよかったりするのか？
I feel like it's doing a good job at picking it up, but I'm not sure.
What about you? Feel good yet?


●不思議そうに
お、おーい？聞こえてるか？
まさかもう寝たりしてないよな？
Uhm, hello? Are you listening to me?
Don't tell me you fell asleep already.


●呆れて
えぇっ、びっくりするぐらい気持ちいいのか？
それで恍惚としてたってお前、大げさ過ぎだろ。
Huh...? It feels so good you were left speechless?
And that made you enter some kinda trance? Now that's an exaggeration.

いや、あの河童製だし、ありえない事もないか。
あいつら、面白い物ばっかり作るからな。
Then again, I can't forget that this was made by the Kappa.
They make crazy tools all the time.


●不思議そうに
耳かき棒もそうだけど、私に耳かきされるなんて想像してなかったから、感動したってのか？
The ear pick feeling good aside, you also didn't expect me to clean them for you, so you're surprised?

●呆れて
お前、私をどんな風に思ってるんだよ。
これでも普通にいい人のつもりだぜ。
Say, how the heck do you see me?
I'm just trying to be a good person, y'know?

前なんて困ってる妖精に的確なアドバイスをして、正しい方向に導いてやったしな。
A while ago, I helped guide a fairy who had lost her way with utmost precision.


まあその妖精は結果的に、太陽の畑の妖怪に喧嘩売って酷い目に遭ったって話だが、あいつらは何されても平気だからいいだろ。
Well, she ended up picking a fight with the Garden of the Sun's youkai, but fairies will be fine whatever happens to them, no?


●興味深そうに
それにしたって、耳かきだけでそんなに幸せそうな顔ができるものなんだな。
お前が単純なだけかもしれないけど、まだまだ知らない事は多いんだなって思い知らされるよ。
Seriously though, I didn't know someone could look this blissful just from getting their ears cleaned.
Maybe it's just because you're a simpleton, but this shows me that there's still many things I don't know yet.


●楽しそうに
そんなに気持ちいいのなら、今度は私にもやってくれよ。
If it feels that good for you, you better do it to me next time.


●楽しそうに
ああ、もちろんお前が私の耳かきをするんだ。いいだろ？
Yep, you'll be the one to clean my ears. It's fine, right?


●不満そうに
なんだよ嫌がって。
私がタダでしてやってる訳ないだろ、相応の見返りは用意してくれないと。
What's with that reaction?
Did you think I'm doing this for free? No way. You'll give me the compensation I deserve.


●ばつが悪そうに
い、いやまあ、にとりに頼まれてた事をお前で消化してるだけにしても、だ。
W-Well, even if this is part of my deal with Nitori, yeah.

ところで、お前の方は最近どうなんだよ？
最近は気を遣ってるのか知らないが、ウチにも全然来ないだろ。
里で忙しくやってるのなら、それはそれでいいけどな。
By the way, how are things on your side?
I don't know if you're trying to be considerate, but you don't show up at my place anymore, do you?
Well, maybe you're just busy helping out in the village. That's fine then.

へぇ、実家の飲み屋がずいぶんと儲かってるのか。
Oh? Back home you're making some big cash at your parents' bar?

●少し意地悪に
忙しくて中々来れないぐらい盛況なら、私が行ってやる必要もないって事だな？
If you're so busy that you can't visit me anymore, I guess there's no need for me to crash at your place anymore.

●楽しそうに
はははっ、わかったよ、今度気が向いたら行ってやるって。
その代わり、美味い物出してくれよ？
Hahaha! Okay, okay. I'll make sure to visit next time I feel like it.
But if I do, prepare some delicious food for me, will ya?

よし、じゃあそろそろこれぐらいでいっか。
All right, I guess this'll do.


●興味深そうに
へぇ、片耳だけでもそんなに気持ちよかったのか。
こんな棒でねぇ……。
So, doing only one ear feels that amazing already, huh...
With a stick like this, hm...

あ、そうだ。
なんかこのままだと、耳かき棒に負けた気がするからな。
Oh, that's right.
I don't want you to think that this stick's better than me.

●ささやき
私自身の力でも気持ちよくできるって証明してやる。
ふぅーっ！（耳ふー）
I'll prove to you that I can make you feel just as good by myself.
Fhoo—

●少し呆れて
おいおい、なんだよその反応。
そんなによかったのか？
Hey now, what do we have here?
Was it really that good?

●得意げにささやき
まっ、お前が何に弱いかとかはわかってるもんな。
ふぅーっ！（耳ふー）
Well, I do know what you're weak to.
Fhoo—

●楽しそうに
昔っから冗談半分でこういう事してただろ？
全く、腑抜けた顔しやがって。傑作だぜ。
ほら、反対側の耳もしてやるぞ。
We used to do this for fun, didn't we?
Man, what a melty face you have right now. Classic.
All right, let me do your other ear now.

よし、じゃあいくからな。
Okay, here I go.

●楽しそうに
おっ、こういう感じでもいいみたいだな。
あんまり力を入れてやるような事じゃないもんな。
Oh, seems like doing it like this works too.
Not like ear cleaning needs a lot of force anyway.


ちょうど気持ちいいって思える力加減っていうと、こういう感じか？
So the amount of strength I need to make you feel good is right about this much?

●嬉しそうに
おっ、いいみたいでよかった。
中々耳かきっていうのも研究しがいがあるな。
Oh, nice to hear that.
Seems like getting better at ear cleaning is worth my time then.


この耳かき棒をパク……参考にしたら、私でも面白い道具が作れるかもな。
ただ耳掃除するだけじゃつまらないし、ペンになるなんてどうだ？
勉強しながら、ふとした時に耳かきもできて機能的だろ？
If I manage to copy— I mean, find inspiration from this ear pick, maybe I'll be able to make tools myself.
Ear cleaning only sounds boring, so how about I make it into a pen as well?
You can instantly start to pick your own ears in the middle of your studies. Sounds handy, no?


この耳かき棒も、デザインとして洒落てるからな。
今後は日用品にも芸術性を求める路線が流行るかもしれん。
The design of this ear pick sure is sleek though.
In the future, it might become a daily necessity that people want for both its usefulness and its nice looks.

香霖（こうりん）のトコにもそういう路線で何か売り込んでみるか。
あいつなら、なんだかんだで押し切れるだろ。
Maybe I'll try to sell something nice looking like this at Kourin's place.
If it's him, he'll probably make it work somehow.


●意外そうに
ん、最近の私か？
Hm? Oh, me?
まあ、今は特に異変もないし、落ち着いてるぜ。
たまに霊夢んトコにも冷やかしに行ったりな。
Well, there are no incidents happening these days, so it's pretty chill.
I do visit Reimu from time to time to tease her.

本当、私もあいつも、妙な知り合いが増えたからな。
お前みたいな普通の奴と話してる時間は結構、貴重なんだぜ。
No kidding, she and I sure have been meeting a lot of strange people.
I really appreciate being able to talk with someone normal like you. I mean it.

妖怪とあれこれやるのが仕事なあいつはともかく、
普通の私まで一ヶ月ぐらい霊夢以外の人間と話さない時があるって異常だろ。
Dealing with youkai is Reimu's job, but for a normal human like me, it's really weird that I haven't had contact with another human for a whole month, don't you think?


●楽しそうに
まっ、そういう日常も普通に楽しんでるんだけどな。
たまにこうやってお前にその土産話をするのも楽しいし、
やっぱり一度きりの人生、楽しまないとな。
Then again, to be honest it's really fun to do stuff with youkai all the time.
And then I get to tell you about my adventures too.
Gotta enjoy yourself as long as you can. You only live once after all!



安定した生活もいいが、やっぱり色んな奴と会えば、色んな事を知れるからな。
そこからまた新しい事を思いついたりするし、発見ばっかりの毎日ってのは楽しいもんだぜ。
It's nice and all to live a stable and safe life, but you learn a ton of things if you meet all kinds of people.
New encounters also means new ideas, and experiencing fresh things every day can be really fun.


●興味深そうに
へぇ、お前も何か新しい事を考えてるのか。
Oh, you're thinking about doing something new yourself?


●興味深そうに
なるほどな、料理が人気だから弁当を売るのを考えてるのか。
それなら里の外の妖怪なんかも客にできそうだし、悪くなさそうだな。
Food is popular, so you're thinking about selling self-made bentos, I see.
Youkai that come from outside the village will surely become your guests then too. Sounds good to me.


流通に関しては、私や私の人脈を使わせてやってもいいぜ。
当然、マージンはもらうけどな。
If you need help with delivery, you can ask me or I can ask my acquaintances for you.
Of course, for a cut of the profit.


神社にも大酒飲みがよくやってくるし、美味い肴（さかな）を用意できるなら喜ぶだろ。
この商売、中々当たるかもな。私への配当もよーく考えて提示しないとな……。
They also like to have drinking parties over at the shrine, so if you can bring us delicious food to snack on, everyone will be happy.
This business sounds like it could pop off. I gotta think my share through before I say something wrong...


●楽しそうに
はははっ、まさか幼馴染のお前とこんな話をする事になるなんてな。
でも、こういうのも悪くないだろ？私と仲良くしといてよかったな。
Hahaha! I never thought I'd have this conversation with my childhood friend.
But it's fine, right? Good thing we're close, huh.


お、弁当の試作品は耳かき棒のお礼ついでに、河童たちに？
ああ、いいぜ。それぐらいタダで届けてやる。
あいつらも美味い物は好きだしな。
Oh, you wanna send trial bentos to the Kappa as thanks for the ear pick test?
Sure thing. I'll send those for free if it's like that.
They love some good food, I know that much.

さて、なんかすっかり商売の話になってた気もするが、これぐらいでいいか。
色々な意味で満足したって顔してるな。この商売上手め。
We sure talked a lot of business, but I think we're about done here.
Your face tells me that you're satisfied in more ways than one, Mr. businessman.

●ささやき
まっ、私も楽しくて満足できたからいいぜ。
ふぅーっ！（耳ふー）
Well, I had my fair share of fun, so I'm satisfied too.
Fhoo—


ああ、安心しろよ。
お前の弱点は妖怪たちには教えないから。
Yeah, rest assured.
I won't tell any youkai about your weakness.


お前が他の奴らに翻弄されてるのは、見てて楽しくないしな……。
It would be really lame if the others turned you into their plaything anyway...


●少し照れて
なんでもない。気にするなって。
It's nothing, don't sweat it...

●ささやき
お前は私の前でだけ情けない顔してればいいんだよ。
ふぅーっ！（耳ふー）
I'm the only person you should show your stupid face, got it?
Fhoo—

はい、おしまい。もう十分だろ。
この後は、詳しい取り決めの話をしないといけないしな。
Aight, we done. This should do it.
We gotta talk some serious business after this anyway.


なんかすっかり、話し込んだな。
もう外はすっかり暗くなったか。
夜は物騒だし、私が送っていくぜ。
Man, time flew by just talking with you.
It's dark outside already.
Let me fly you home. It's dangerous at night.


●楽しそうに
子どもじゃないんだから一人で大丈夫って、
バーカ、じゃあお前は妖怪が出てきたらなんとかできるのかよ。
Oh, acting all tough now, are we?
Silly you, do you really think you can do anything by yourself when a youkai shows up?


はいはい、それじゃもう行くぞ。
Whatever you say, my dude. Anyway, hold on tight.


●ささやき
絶対に私の傍を離れるんじゃないぞ。
And don't you ever leave my side...