“Haell! Are you alright! What happened!” The melodious chime of Elfrafim’s voice rang in my ears, forcing me out of my sleep.

“W-what…?” I opened my eyes blearily, but my attempts to get up bore no fruit, for everything was pain. “What the fuck?”

And then I remembered what happened.

I reiterated, “What. The. Fuck?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Elfrafim complained. She poured more magic into healing, and I could feel the effects as the fractures in my bones were mended, and so were the tears in my muscles.

I got back up and growled.

…Actuually, that wasn’t me. It was my stomach. “I’m hungry.”

“Naturally! I just healed you!”

Healing did typically make use of the different nutrients stored in the body, so it was understandably a draining process.

Astan dropped some weird chicken into my lap afterwards, and I gratefully roasted it quick with magic before digging in.

“So?” Elfrafim prodded me with a finger.

“So…?”

“The shit you did! While in the hyperdemon state! That bloody ritual, and then being able to just… knock yourself out.”

“Oh yeah. That.”

I mulled over my own thoughts some more while eating, replaying the memories of the prior battle in my head. It was seriously super fucking weird, like I was a completely different person entirely, but the memories were certainly there…

“So the ritual,” I eventually said. “I mean. I can do that normally, without the gland active. I just never thought to. Can’t exactly just draw in the middle of the fight. That only happened because you let me!”

Elfrafim shrugged. “It was interesting! I wasn’t about to stop you! I didn’t know if such crude illustration would work to begin with, so I really wanted to know!”

“Would it actually have affected you?” I recalled the aforementioned illustrations of fast, raw and violent strokes. I was sure that a properly made one while I was… sane would have been a much stronger ritual. Or at least, the illustrations would have been better. My menace magic was at its strongest while my hyperdemon gland was active though, and that boost was not to be underestimated.

“A bit?” Elfrafim answered. “If I just stood there then yeah. There would’ve been some damage taken. I’m not impervious, and I’m not built for defense to begin with.”

“Hmmm…” A plan formed in my head. Of a big ritual drawn by me, and then activated by my hyperdemon form. That could seriously damage my dear friend Elfrafim!

Except she was indeed a dear friend, and I did not wish at all to do that. But the plan I came up with could certainly be saved for a different foe…

“How about knocking yourself out?” Elfrafim gestured pushing at her own head. “Doesn’t that solve your problem?”

“Huh? What problem?”

“Uh, the one where you go berserk and attack and kill anyone and everyone?” Her confusion turned into a big grin. “Although maybe I am  overreacting! What’s wrong with a little bit of a massacre here and there, hmm?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Fuck off. I get it. But no, it’s not a solution. I can’t… well, it seems like I can knock myself out on command somehow when the hyperdemon gland is active… but I’m not all there, you know? I don’t make the same decisions. So like, in the same way I can’t just choose to not attack everyone and everything in sight, I also can’t just choose to stop and sleep while in that state. Even if I technically, physically , can.”

“I see. Well, that was fun!” Elfrafim got up and dusted herself off. “Wanna go again?”

“Ugh. Fuck no.” I marched back towards our base. “See you next week.”

I’d do it sooner, tomorrow even, despite what I said. But damn, using the hyperdemon gland was just… very uncomfortable. I’d worked so hard so far, and I would continue to do so, but I could be allowed some… weakness here, couldn’t I?

It was just really, so fucking difficult.

~~~

It took three days, until I used the hyperdemon gland again. This time I fought random forest monsters whilst in that berserk state, which was very satisfying because I actually stood a chance and won. The excitement over the carnage built and built until I was taking on a slaughtertooth near the river. It was a sort of tiger that started at level 20, except this one was well into the 40s.

Naturally, I bellowed a challenge the moment I spotted the beast. And naturally, despite the enormous boost from my hyperdemon gland, I was still slapped around like a ragdoll. Although I was able to fight back and injure the monster, even if the wounds I inflicted were superficial. I had to be saved and extracted by Elfrafim from the encounter in the end, whom I also promptly attacked, but that didn’t last long as she knocked me out.

I woke up and lazed around for a few more days, until I finally worked up the courage to try again after the third. This time I faced Elfrafim again, and she absolutely trivialized everything I did, until I felt so hopeless that I knocked myself out.

I was starting to really empathize with my hyperdemon self. And I knew that this was my menace mana talking.

[Hyperdemon Gland has reached Level 14!]

My days continued on like that, activating the gland every 3 days as I’d been doing. I did not spend the rest of my time idle however, as I worked on the rest of my Mutations yet to reach Level 20, practiced my artistic skills for ritual making, and helped Moonwash with her general crafts. I even managed to kill some goeaths with the help of everyone else, and Moonwash made of their level 20 horns a staff just like hers that could spew out the big flames! She gave it to me! I loved her!

[Demon Eyes has reached Level 20!]

[Demon Arms has reached Level 20!]

[Demon Hooves has reached Level 20!]

[Demon Horns has reached Level 20!]

With only my blood, my regen heart, and my hyperdemon gland below the threshold, I began to feel the pressure to use the latter more. There was just something about the hyperdome state that I felt so invasive and frightening, but I’d get nowhere being afraid of it forever, so I slapped my cheeks hard and did another session against Elfrafim after only 2 days had passed.

That didn’t cause any problems, so I shortened the gap again to one day, and that became the new normal for a while until I began activating the gland multiple times everyday.

It was draining, exhausing, tiring, and for some reason the progress of the Mutation had slowed down. But that only meant I had to try even harder, I had to get used to it like I did for my menace mana. Exposure exposure exposure. I was fine!

[Regen Heart has reached Level 20!]

[Mana-Infused Blood has reached Level 20!]

Finally, it was only my hyperdemon gland left, still at level 16. I threw caution to the wind and used it as often as I could. I eventually hit a bottleneck, as I found out that I couldn’t actually activate it so soon after having just used it, and that staying in that state for too long was actually really fucking draining in the way that left my mind sluggish after I came out of it.

There might be more limits I was yet unaware of, so I asked Elfrafim to clear out all the monsters level 20 and above in a certain area.  

I once again activated my hyperdemon gland.

~~~

Kill destroy the forest full of life fill it with death slaughter every animal within feast on the flesh of monsters flay their bones inside out and stomp on their graves don’t bury don’t bury smear all their entrails against the trees then chop chop the trees end it all end all life destroy everything destroy destr–

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

I exploded into the forest before me. I killed the deer in my way, the tigers, the squirrels. Giant mosquito bugs were smears on my sword, big bird snakes were slashed once and then twice, many other times across their full length. The sensation of murder washed over me as I continued to hunt. It was a great satisfaction to destroy and bully the weak so I kept doing it and doing it, even the small tiny ineffectual bugs were unsafe. I enjoyed all the pain, all the suffering, it mattered not what they did or what they were or were not guilty of. All life was wrong just for existing. All things were wrong just for existing. And so my aura exploded out of me, my menace mana rolled off in waves throughout the day and throughout the night. Everything hurt, everything in my body was screaming at me to stop, even the very mana in my blood blared its chittering warning. But I was not done. Some sort of giant ladybug? Dead. Horned hares hiding? I dug out their burrows and slurped out their insides. I kept going even as my body protested with every step, but so too did the constant reminders.

I remembered that I didn’t want to die

I didn’t want to lose my potential.

Because I wanted to KILL AND DESTROY MORE.

That’s why I now had to sleep.

Bad night.

~~~

I woke up again, panting as the memories of the last day and more pounded through my head.

“Hey, Haell? Awoke?” Elfrafim asked cheerfully.

“Fuck off.” But my own reply came out terse and resentful.

The smile fell from her face a little, but it swiftly returned. “Someone’s grumpy! Did you forget to turn off the hyperdemon gland?”

“Of course I did! It’s fine!” I snapped, and Astan flew down from the air to peck angrily at me.

I waved my hands to swat him away. “Argh. Fuck off! Get off me!”

I hurriedly got up, and nearly fell, but I supported myself off the trunk of a tree.

“Hey! I’m not done healing you!” Elfrafim called after me, but I ignored her.

I rummaged through my armor to find my nature wand, growling and crying when it eluded me until I finally found it near the bands of my waist.

“Fuck. Finally.” I wiped my eyes and healed myself once I found the wand, slowly making my way back toward the base. At first with a limp, but that fixed itself in time, though my healing was clearly less efficient than normal. I could not build a good image in my mind, and that just exacerbated the issue of my irritation even further.

“Fuck!” I punched a tree. That felt good, so I did it some more. I took a deep breath, and then jumped down our door. I staggered toward the couch, but Moonwash asked something of me before I could lay down to sleep.

“Hey, Haell. I need you to–”

“Fuck off! Do it yourself!”

“I am not that good with menace magic, and the intent you’re able to produce with it is far better than mine.” She explained her reasoning as if unfazed by my outburst. That only annoyed me more. This infuriating woman who hadn’t changed one bit since she was a little girl.

“Fucking grow up!” I roared. “I don’t care! You’re talented right!? Everyone fucking loves you! You can do anything! So figure it out!”

Moonwash froze. Her expressions showed nothing, but tears began flowing out of her eyes. “I am not capable of doing everything,” she explained calmly. “That’s why I’m asking for your help, because there are things you can do that I can’t, and because we are friends. But if you are unwilling, then that is fine. I will not force you.”

So saying, she turned on her heel and marched back toward her workshop. I watched her back with an annoyance at the tone she took with me and just everything about her… but mostly I was sad. I regretted everything I said. Before I knew it my helmet had been tossed away, and my unclean armor clattered as I ran across our home.

I hugged Moonwash from behind.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Moonwash. I don’t know what came over me. Well, I know. It’s my hyperdemon gland. I was just so… so… irritated after using it for a full day. More. I was angry before that even, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. But it was wrong of me to take it out on you like that. I don’t mean it. You’re amazing. I love the things you make, and I love helping you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Moonwash barely twitched. She stood there, in my embrace, neither returning it nor pushing me away.

“You’ve mentioned your hyperdemon gland before, and I know you’ve been training it. Mutations that can power you up in exchange for a berserk state are rare, but not unheard of. However even among them, yours is unique. Can you tell me more about it and your recent discoveries?”

“Of course I can!” I nuzzled into the shorter woman’s nape. “But uh… are we good?”

“Morally? I’m not sure. It’s subjective.”

“What? No! Not that. I mean, like… are we okay. With each other. We’re still friends? You’re not mad? Do you forgive me?”

She thought about it for a little while, every second only making me more anxious as I tightened my hold on her. Which I noticed, prompting me to finally let go.

Moonwash turned back toward me, now dirty from the day I spent slaughtering everything… I got the unwashed grime on her.

“Uh. Sorry about that too…”

“What for?”

“Your clothes. Got you dirty.”

“Oh. That’s fine.”

A pause.

“So, about my questions earlier… can you answer them?”

Moonwash nodded. “I am a little mad, yes. But it’ll pass. And of course we are still friends. I forgive you.”

“Oh, well great!” I breathed, a weight lifted off my chest. “You sure though? I can help you now with your things!”

“I appreciate the help.” She led the way toward her forge. “And of course I’m sure. It’s hard to stay mad when I love you so much.”

I halted in my tracks, my mind whirling at what Moonwash just dropped. But she probably meant it as a friend or something. It’s just how Moonwash was. She just didn’t understand these things, and I probably should warn her not to blurt that out to just anyone. They might misunderstand and get the wrong idea, and then it might turn into some kind of problem.

“Well, that’s good… I love you too! Lots and lots!”

Moonwash turned back around and faced me. Her lips became upturned into a rare smile. “I’m glad.”

She grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips.

WHAT!?

========= ======== ========= ========= ========

AN:

WHAT!?

I’m with you on this one, Haell. I’m with you. I thought it might happen at some point but I really did not plan for anything of the sort to be present this soon! Alas, Moonwash just decided now was the perfect time, without consulting me!